who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
