ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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