He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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