he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
