As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
