hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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