nut hugger
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
