I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
this will be a night to untag.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
