Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm sobbing to NWA
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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