suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
