Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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