you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize