People in love make me want to vomit
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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