What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
