happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
