I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
