Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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