I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
