Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
