Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
