So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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