I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
