Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
