her vagine was all disorganized.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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