Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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