i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
