i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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