how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
