I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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