I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
