oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I just sharted jello shots
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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