Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
