Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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