She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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