Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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