My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
