We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
