Umm I'm too high to move.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize