I just pynch a tree in the face
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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