EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
