I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
