my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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