I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
