First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
