My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
