how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
