Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The ass gains better be worth it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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