And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
