Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
