I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
