Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
