Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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