piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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