I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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