that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
