her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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