Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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