despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
