I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
