Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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