forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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