"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
