i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
