Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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