it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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