oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
