I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
