and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize